白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第52章

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　　A　woman　passing　on　the　street　said；　〃A　decongestant；　an　antihistamine；　a　cough　suppressant；　a　pain　reliever。〃
　　35
　　Babette　could　not　get　enough　of　talk　radio。　〃I　hate　my　face；〃　a　woman　said。　'This　is　an　ongoing　problem　with　me　for　years。　Of　all　the　faces　you　could　have　given　me；　lookswise；　this　one　has　got　to　be　the　worst。　But　how　can　I　not　look？　Even　if　you　took　all　my　mirrors　away；　I　would　still　find　a　way　to　look。　How　can　I　not　look　on　the　one　hand？　But　I　hate　it　on　the　other。　In　other　words　I　still　look。　Because　whose　face　is　it；　obviously？　What　do　I　do；　forget　it's　there；　pretend　it's　someone　else's？　What　I'm　trying　to　do　with　this　call；　Mel；　is　find　other　people　who　have　a　problem　accepting　their　face。　Here　are　some　questions　to　get　us　started。　What　did　you　look　like　before　you　were　born？　What　will　you　look　like　in　the　afterlife；　regardless　of　race　or　color？〃
　　Babette　wore　her　sweatsuit　almost　all　the　time。　It　was　a　plain　gray　outfit；　loose　and　drooping。　She　cooked　in　it；　drove　the　kids　to　school；　wore　it　to　the　hardware　store　and　the　stationer's。　I　thought　about　it　for　a　while；　decided　there　was　nothing　excessively　odd　in　this；　nothing　to　worry　about；　no　reason　to　believe　she　was　sinking　into　apathy　and　despair。
　　〃How　do　you　feel？〃　I　said。　'Tell　the　truth。〃
　　〃What　is　the　truth？　I'm　spending　more　time　with　Wilder。　Wilder　helps　me　get　by。〃
　　〃I　depend　on　you　to　be　the　healthy　outgoing　former　Babette。　I　need　this　as　badly　as　you　do；　if　not　more。〃
　　〃What　is　need？　We　all　need。　Where　is　the　uniqueness　in　this？〃
　　〃Are　you　feeling　basically　the　same？〃
　　〃You　mean　am　I　sick　unto　death？　The　fear　hasn't　gone；　Jack。〃
　　〃We　have　to　stay　active。〃
　　〃Active　helps　but　Wilder　helps　more。〃
　　〃Is　it　my　imagination；〃　I　said；　〃or　is　he　talking　less　than　ever？〃
　　'There's　enough　talk。　What　is　talk？　I　don't　want　him　to　talk。　The　less　he　talks；　the　better。〃
　　〃Denise　worries　about　you。〃
　　〃Who？〃
　　〃Denise。〃
　　〃Talk　is　radio；〃　she　said。
　　Denise　would　not　let　her　mother　go　running　unless　she　promised　to　apply　layers　of　sunscreen　gel。　The　girl　would　follow　her　out　of　the　house　to　dash　a　final　glob　of　lotion　across　the　back　of　Babette's　neck；　then　stand　on　her　toes　to　stroke　it　evenly　in。　She　tried　to　cover　every　exposed　spot。　The　brows；　the　lids。　They　had　bitter　arguments　about　the　need　for　this。　Denise　said　the　sun　was　a　risk　to　a　fair…skinned　person。　Her　mother　claimed　the　whole　business　was　publicity　for　disease。
　　〃Besides；　I'm　a　runner；〃　she　said。　〃A　runner　by　definition　is　less　likely　to　be　struck　by　damaging　rays　than　a　standing　or　walking　figure。〃
　　Denise　spun　in　my　direction；　arms　flung　out；　her　body　beseeching　me　to　set　the　woman　straight。
　　'The　worst　rays　are　direct；〃　Babette　said。　〃This　means　the　faster　a　person　is　moving；　the　more　likely　she　is　to　receive　only　partial　hits；　glancing　rays；　deflections。〃
　　Denise　let　her　mouth　fall　open；　bent　her　body　at　the　knees。　In　truth　I　wasn't　sure　her　mother　was　wrong。
　　〃It　is　all　a　corporate　tie…in；〃　Babette　said　in　summary。　'The　sunscreen；　the　marketing；　the　fear；　the　disease。　You　can't　have　one　without　the　other。〃
　　I　took　Heinrich　and　his　snake…handling　buddy；　Orest　Mercator；　out　to　the　mercial　strip　for　dinner。　It　was　four　in　the　afternoon；　the　time　of　day　when　Orest's　training　schedule　called　for　his　main　meal。　At　his　request　we　went　to　Vincent's　Casa　Mario；　a　blockhouse　structure　with　slit　windows　that　seemed　part　of　some　coastal　defense　system。
　　I'd　found　myself　thinking　of　Orest　and　his　snakes　and　wanted　a　chance　to　talk　to　him　further。
　　We　sat　in　a　blood…red　booth。　Orest　gripped　the　tasseled　menu　with　his　chunky　hands。　His　shoulders　seemed　broader　than　ever；　the　serious　head　partly　submerged　between　them。
　　〃How's　the　training　going？〃　I　said。
　　〃I'm　slowing　it　down　a　little。　I　don't　want　to　peak　too　soon。　I　know　how　to　take　care　of　my　body。〃
　　〃Heinrich　told　me　you　sleep　sitting　up；　to　prepare　for　the　cage。〃
　　〃I　perfected　that。　I'm　doing　different　stuff　now。〃
　　〃Like　what？〃
　　〃Loading　up　on　carbohydrates。〃
　　〃That's　why　we　came　here；〃　Heinrich　said。
　　〃I　load　up　a　little　more　each　day。〃
　　〃It's　because　of　the　huge　energy　he'll　be　burning　up　in　the　cage；　being　alert；　tensing　himself　when　a　mamba　approaches；　whatever。〃
　　We　ordered　pasta　and　water。
　　'Tell　me；　Orest。　As　you　get　closer　and　closer　to　the　time；　are　you　beginning　to　feel　anxious？〃
　　〃What　anxious？　I　just　want　to　get　in　the　cage。　Sooner　the　better。　This　is　what　Orest　Mercator　is　all　about。〃
　　〃You're　not　nervous？　You　don't　think　about　what　might　happen？〃
　　〃He　likes　to　be　positive；〃　Heinrich　said。　〃This　is　the　thing　today　with　athletes。　You　don't　dwell　on　the　negative。〃
　　〃Tell　me　this；　then。　What　is　the　negative？　What　do　you　think　of　when　you　think　of　the　negative？〃
　　〃Here's　what　I　think。　I'm　nothing　without　the　snakes。　That's　the　only　negative。　The　negative　is　if　it　doesn't　e　off；　if　the　humane　society　doesn't　let　me　in　the　cage。　How　can　I　be　the　best　at　what　I　do　if　they　don't　let　me　do　it？〃
　　I　liked　to　watch　Orest　eat。　He　inhaled　food　according　to　aerodynamic　principles。　Pressure　differences；　intake　velocities。　He　went　at　it　silently　and　purposefully；　loading　up；　centering　himself；　appearing　to　grow　more　self…important　with　each　clump　of　starch　that　slid　over　his　tongue。
　　〃You　know　you　can　get　bitten。　We　talked　about　it　last　time。　Do　you　think　about　what　happens　after　the　fangs　close　on　your　wrist？　Do　you　think　about　dying？　This　is　what　I　want　to　know。　Does　death　scare　you？　Does　it　haunt　your　thoughts？　Let　me　put　my　cards　on　the　table；　Orest。　Are　you　afraid　to　die？　Do　you　experience　fear？　Does　fear　make　you　tremble　or　sweat？　Do　you　feel　a　shadow　fall　across　the　room　when　you　think　of　the　cage；　the　snakes；　the　fangs？〃
　　〃What　did　I　read　just　the　other　day？　There　are　more　people　dead　today　than　in　the　rest　of　world　history　put　together。　What's　one　extra？　I'd　just　as　soon　die　while　I'm　trying　to　put　Orest　Mercator's　name　in　the　record　book。〃
　　I　looked　at　my　son。　I　said；　〃Is　he　trying　to　tell　us　there　are　more　people　dying　in　this　twenty…four…hour　period　than　in　the　rest　of　human　history　up　to　now？〃
　　〃He's　saying　the　dead　are　greater　today　than　ever　before；　bined。〃
　　〃What　dead？　Define　the　dead。〃
　　〃He's　saying　people　now　dead。〃
　　〃What　do　you　mean；　now　dead？　Everybody　who's　dead　is　now　dead。〃
　　〃He's　saying　people　in　graves。　The　known　dead。　Those　you　can　count。〃
　　I　was　listening　intently；　trying　to　grasp　what　they　meant。　A　second　plate　of　food　came　for　Orest。
　　〃But　people　sometimes　stay　in　graves　for　hundreds　of　years。　Is　he　saying　there　are　more　dead　people　in　graves　than　anywhere　else？〃
　　〃It　depends　on　what　you　mean　by　anywhere　else。〃
　　〃I　don't　know　what　I　mean。　The　drowned。　The　blown…to…bits。〃
　　〃There　are　more　dead　now　than　ever　before。　That's　all　he's　saying。〃
　　I　looked　at　him　a　while　longer。　Then　I　turned　to　Orest。
　　〃You　are　intentionally　facing　death。　You　are　setting　out　to　do　exactly　what　people　spend　their　lives　trying　not　to　do。　Die。　I　want　to　know　why。〃
　　〃My　trainer　says；　'Breathe；　don't　think。'　He　says；　'Be　a　snake　and　you'll　know　the　stillness　of　a　snake。'〃
　　〃He　has　a　trainer　now；〃　Heinrich　said。
　　〃He's　a　Sunny　Moslem；〃　Orest　said。
　　〃Iron　City　has　some　Sunnies　out　near　the　airport。〃
　　〃The　Sunnies　are　mostly　Korean。　Except　mine's　an　Arab；　I　think。〃
　　I　said；　〃Don't　you　mean　the　Moonies　are　mostly　Korean？〃
　　〃He's　a　Sunny；〃　Orest　said。
　　〃But　it's　the　Moonies　who　are　mostly　Korean。　Except　they're　not；　of　course。　It's　only　the　leadership。〃
　　They　thought　about　this。　I　watched　Orest　eat。　I　watched　him　pitchfork　the　spaghetti　down　his　gullet。　The　serious　head　sat　motionless；　an　entryway　for　the　food。　that　flew　off　the　mechanical　fork。　What　purpose　he　conveyed；　what　sense　of　a　fixed　course　of　action　pursued　absolutely。　If　each　of　us　is　the　center　of　his　or　her　existence；　Orest　seemed　intent　on　enlarging　the　center；　making　it　everything。　Is　this　what　athletes　do；　occupy　the　self　more　fully？　It's　possible　we　envy　them　for　a　prowess　that　has　little　to　do　with　sport。　In　building　toward　a　danger；　they　escape　it　in　some　deeper　sense；　they　dwell　in　some　angelic　scan；　able　to　leap　free　of　everyday　dying。　But　was　Orest　an　athlete？　He　would　do　nothing　but　sit—　sit　for　sixty…seven　days　in　a　glass　cage；　waiting　to　be　publicly　bitten。
　　〃You　will　not　be　able　to　defend　yourself；〃　I　said。　〃Not　only　that　but　you　will　be　in　a　cage　with　the　most　slimy；　feared　and　repulsive　creatures　on　earth。　Snakes。　People　have　nightmares　about　snakes。　Crawling　slithering　cold…blooded　egg…laying　vertebrates。　People　go　to　psychiatrists。　Snakes　have　a　special　slimy　place　in　our　collective　unconscious。　And　you　are　voluntarily　getting　into　an　enclosed　space　with　thirty　or　forty　of　the　most　venomous　snakes　in　the　world。〃
　　〃What　slimy？　They're　not　slimy。〃
　　〃The　famous　sliminess　is　a　myth；〃　Heinrich　said。　〃He's　getting　into　a　cage　with　Gaboon　vipers　with　two…inch　fangs。　Maybe　a　dozen　mambas。　The　mamba　happens　to　be　the　fastest…moving　land　snake　in　the　world。　Isn't　sliminess　a　little　besides　the　point？〃
　　〃That's　my　argument