[科幻]宿主-第83章

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prolong　the　inevitable？　Will　it　get　easier　or　harder　for　him？”

　I　thought　I　knew　the　answer　to　my　last　question。　I　ducked　under　Ian’s　hand　and　broke　into　a　run；　
sprinting　for　the　exit。

　“Wanda！”　Jamie　called　after　me。

　Someone　quickly　shushed　him。　There　were　no　footsteps　behind　me。　They　must　have　seen　the　wisdom　of　
letting　me　go。

　The　hall　was　dark　and　deserted。　If　I　was　lucky；　I’d　be　able　to　cut　around　the　edge　of　the　big　garden　
plaza　in　the　dark　with　no　one　the　wiser。

　In　all　my　time　here；　the　one　thing　I’d　never　found　was　the　way　out。　It　seemed　as　if　I’d　been　down　every　
tunnel　time　and　again；　and　I’d　never　seen　an　opening　I　hadn’t　eventually　explored　in　search　of　one　thing　
or　another。　I　thought　about　it　now　as　I　crept　through　the　deepest　shadowed　corners　of　the　big　cave。　
Where　could　the　exit　be？　And　I　thought　about　this：　if　I　could　figure　that　puzzle　out；　would　I　be　able　to　
leave？

　I　couldn’t　think　of　anything　worth　leaving　for—certainly　not　the　desert　waiting　outside；　but　also　not　the　
Seeker；　not　the　Healer；　not　my　forter；　not　my　life　before；　which　had　left　such　a　shallow　impression　
on　me。　Everything　that　really　mattered　was　with　me　here。　Jamie。　Though　he　would　kill　me；　Jared。　I　
couldn’t　imagine　walking　away　from　either　of　them。

　And　Jeb。　Ian。　I　had　friends　now。　Doc；　Trudy；　Lily；　Wes；　Walter；　Heath。　Strange　humans　who　could　
overlook　what　I　was　and　see　something　they　didn’t　have　to　kill。　Maybe　it　was　just　curiosity；　but　
regardless　of　that；　they　were　willing　to　side　with　me　against　the　rest　of　their　tight…knit　family　of　survivors。　I　
shook　my　head　in　wonder　as　I　traced　the　rough　rock　with　my　hands。

　I　could　hear　others　in　the　cavern；　on　the　far　side　from　me。　I　didn’t　pause；　they　could　not　see　me　here；　
and　I’d　just　found　the　crevice　I　was　looking　for。　

　

　CHAPTER　27

　Undecided

　Ifelt　my　way　back　to　my　prison　hole。

　It　had　been　weeks　and　weeks　since　I’d　been　down　this　particular　corridor；　I　hadn’t　been　back　since　the　
morning　after　Jared　had　left　and　Jeb　had　set　me　free。　It　seemed　to　me　that　while　I　lived　and　Jared　was　in　
the　caves；　this　must　be　where　I　belonged。

　There　was　no　dim　light　to　greet　me　now。　I　was　fairly　sure　I　was　in　the　last　leg—the　turns　and　twists　were　
still　vaguely　familiar。　I　let　my　left　hand　drag　against　the　wall　as　low　as　I　could　reach；　feeling　for　the　
opening　as　I　crept　forward。　I　wasn’t　decided　on　crawling　backinside　the　cramped　hole；　but　at　least　it　
would　give　me　a　reference　point；　letting　me　know　that　I　was　where　I　meant　to　be。

　As　it　happened；　I　didn’t　have　the　option　of　inhabiting　my　cell　again。

　In　the　same　moment　that　my　fingers　brushed　the　rough　edge　at　the　top　of　the　hole；　my　foot　hit　an　
obstacle　and　I　stumbled；　falling　to　my　knees。　I　threw　my　hands　out　to　catch　myself；　and　they　landed　with　
a　crunch　and　a　crackle；　breaking　through　something　that　wasn’t　rock　and　didn’t　belong　here。

　The　sound　startled　me；　the　unexpected　object　frightened　me。　Perhaps　I’d　made　a　wrong　turn　and　wasn’t　
anywhere　near　my　hole。　Perhaps　I　was　in　someone’s　living　space。　I　ran　through　the　memory　of　my　recent　
journey　in　my　head；　wondering　how　I　could　have　gotten　so　turned　about。　Meanwhile；　I　listened　for　some　
reaction　to　my　crashing　fall；　holding　absolutely　still　in　the　darkness。

　There　was　nothing—no　reaction；　no　sound。　It　was　only　dark　and　stuffy　and　humid；　as　it　always　was；　and　
so　silent　that　I　knew　I　must　be　alone。

　Carefully；　trying　to　make　as　little　noise　as　possible；　I　took　stock　of　my　surroundings。

　My　hands　were　stuck　in　something。　I　pulled　them　free；　tracing　the　contours　of　what　felt　like　a　cardboard　
box—a　cardboard　box　with　a　sheet　of　thin；　crackly　plastic　on　top　that　my　hands　had　fallen　through。　I　felt　
around　inside　the　box　and　found　a　layer　of　more　crackly　plastic—small　rectangles　that　made　a　lot　of　
noise　when　I　handled　them。　I　retreated　quickly；　afraid　of　drawing　attention　to　myself。

　I　remembered　that　I’d　thought　I’d　found　the　top　of　the　hole。　I　searched　to　my　left　and　found　more　stacks　
of　cardboard　squares　on　that　side。　I　tried　to　find　the　top　of　the　stack　and　had　to　stand　in　order　to　do　
so—it　was　as　high　as　my　head。　I　searched　until　I　found　the　wall；　and　then　the　hole；　exactly　where　I’d　
thought　it　was。　I　tried　to　climb　in　to　ascertain　if　it　really　was　the　same　place—one　second　on　that　bowed　
floor　and　I　would　know　it　for　certain—but　I　could　not　get　any　farther　than　the　opening。　It；　too；　was　
crammed　full　of　boxes。

　Stymied；　I　explored　with　my　hands；　moving　back　out　into　the　hall。　I　found　I　could　go　no　deeper　down　
the　passageway；　it　was　entirely　filled　with　the　mysterious　cardboard　squares。　

　

　Suddenly；　it　all　came　clear。　It　was　the　smell　that　did　it。　As　I　played　with　the　sand…like　material　inside　the　
bag；　I　got　an　unexpected　whiff　of　a　familiar　scent。　It　took　me　back　to　my　bare　kitchen　in　San　Diego；　to　
the　low　cupboard　on　the　left　side　of　the　sink。　In　my　head　I　could　see　so　clearly　the　bag　of　uncooked　rice；　
the　plastic　measuring　cup　I　used　to　dole　it　out；　the　rows　of　canned　food　behind　it…

　Once　I　realized　that　I　was　touching　a　bag　of　rice；　I　understood。　Iwas　in　the　right　place　after　all。　Hadn’t　
Jeb　said　they　used　this　place　for　storage？　And　hadn’t　Jared　just　returned　from　a　long　raid？　Now　
everything　the　raiders　had　stolen　in　the　weeks　they’d　been　gone　was　dumped　in　this　out…of…the…way　place　
until　it　could　be　used。

　Many　thoughts　ran　through　my　head　at　once。

　First；　I　realized　that　I　was　surrounded　by　food。　Not　just　rough　bread　and　weak　onion　soup；　butfood。　
Somewhere　in　this　stack；　there　could　be　peanut　butter。　Chocolate　chip　cookies。　Potato　chips。Cheetos。

　Even　as　I　imagined　finding　these　things；　tasting　them　again；　being　full　for　the　first　time　since　I’d　left　
civilization；　I　felt　guilty　for　thinking　of　it。　Jared　hadn’t　risked　his　life　and　spent　weeks　hiding　and　stealing　to　
feedme。　This　food　was　for　others。

　I　also　worried　that　perhaps　this　wasn’t　the　entire　haul。　What　if　they　had　more　boxes　to　stow？　Would　
Jared　and　Kyle　be　the　ones　to　bring　them？　It　didn’t　take　any　imagination　at　all　to　picture　the　scene　that　
would　result　if　they　found　me　here。

　But　wasn’t　that　why　I　was　here？　Wasn’t　that　exactly　what　I’d　needed　to　be　alone　to　think　about？

　I　slouched　against　the　wall。　The　rice　bag　made　a　decent　pillow。　I　closed　my　eyes—unnecessary　in　the　
inky　darkness—and　settled　in　for　a　consultation。

　Okay；　Mel。　What　now？

　I　was　glad　to　find　that　she　was　still　awake　and　alert。　Opposition　brought　out　her　strength。　It　was　only　
when　things　were　going　well　that　she　drifted　away。

　Priorities；she　decided。What’s　most　important　to　us？　Staying　alive？　Or　Jamie？

　She　knew　the　answer。Jamie；　I　affirmed；　sighing　out　loud。　The　sound　of　my　breath　whispered　back　from　
the　black　walls。

　Agreed。　We　could　probably　last　awhile　if　we　let　Jeb　and　Ian　protect　us。　Will　that　help　him？

　Maybe。　Would　he　be　more　hurt　if　we　just　gave　up？　Or　if　we　let　this　drag　on；　only　to　have　it　end　
badly；　which　seems　inevitable？

　She　didn’t　like　that。　I　could　feel　her　scrambling　around；　searching　for　alternatives。

　Try　to　escape？I　suggested。　

　

　We　imagined　it　together—how　would　I　explain　my　months　of　absence？　I　could　lie；　make　up　some　
alternative　story；　or　say　I　didn’t　remember。　But　I　thought　of　the　Seeker’s　skeptical　face；　her　bulging　eyes　
bright　with　suspicion；　and　knew　my　inept　attempts　at　subterfuge　would　fail。

　They’d　think　I　took　over；Melanie　agreed。Then　they’d　take　you　out　and　put　herin。

　I　squirmed；　as　if　a　new　position　on　the　rock　floor　would　take　me　further　away　from　the　idea；　and　
shuddered。　Then　I　followed　the　thought　to　its　conclusion。She’d　tell　them　about　this　place；　and　the　
Seekers　would　e。

　The　horror　washed　through　us。

　Right；I　continued。So　escape　is　out。

　Right；she　whispered；　emotion　making　her　thought　unstable。

　So　the　decision　is…　quick　or　slow。　Which　hurts　him　less？

　It　seemed　that　as　long　as　I　focused　on　practicalities　I　could　keep　at　least　my　side　of　the　discussion　
numbly　businesslike。　Melanie　tried　to　mimic　my　effort。

　I’m　not　sure。　On　the　one　hand；　logically；　the　longer　the　three　of　us　are　together；　the　harder　our…　
separation　would　be　for　him。　Then　again；　if　we　didn’t　fight；　if　we　just　gave　up…　he　wouldn’t　like　
that。　He’d　feel　betrayed　by　us。

　I　looked　at　both　sides　she’d　presented；　trying　to　be　rational　about　it。

　So…　quick；　but　we　have　to　do　our　best　not　to　die？

　Go　down　fighting；she　affirmed　grimly。

　Fighting。　Fabulous。I　tried　to　imagine　that—meeting　violence　with　violence。　Raising　my　hand　to　strike　

someone。　I　could　form　the　words　but　not　the　mental　picture。

　You　can　do　it；she　encouraged。I’ll　help　you。

　Thanks；　but　no　thanks。　There　has　to　be　some　other　way。

　I　don’t　get　you；　Wanda。　You’ve　given　up　on　your　species　entirely；　you’re　ready　to　die　for　my　

brother；　you’re　in　love　with　the　man　I　love　who　is　going　to　kill　us；　and　yet　you　won’t　let　go　of　
customs　that　are　entirely　impractical　here。

　I　am　who　I　am；　Mel。　I　can’t　change　that；　though　everything　else　may　change。　You　hold　on　to　
yourself；　allow