tg.wizardfirstrule-第117章

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　〃But　。　。　。　I　could　。　。　。〃　He　could　think　of　no　defense　for　his　heart
　
　〃I　could　not。　Foe　me；　it　would　be　the　same　as　you　wanting　to　be　with　your　mother；　and　instead　having　Shota；　appearing　to　be　your　mother。　But　she　wasn't。　It　would　just　be　an　illusion　of　love。　Do　you　understand？〃　she　cried。　〃Would　that　bring　you　any　true　joy？。。
　
　Richard　felt　the　hopes　of　his　world　collapsing　in　the　flames　of　his　understanding。　His　heart　sank　into　the　ashes。
　
　〃The　spirit　house；〃　he　asked　in　a　dry　voice；　〃is　that　what　Shota　was　talking　about？　Is　that　when　you　came　within　a　breath　of　using　your　power　on　me？〃　His　tone　was　a　little　colder　than　he　wished　it　to　be。
　
　〃Yes。〃　Her　voice　broke　with　emotion　as　she　tried　to　keep　from　crying。　〃I'm　sorry；　Richard。〃　She　knitted　her　fingers　together。　〃I　have　never　before　cared　for　anyone　the　way　I　care　for　you。　I　wanted　to　be　with　you　so　badly。　I　almost　forgot　who　I　was。　I　almost　didn't　care。〃　Tears　started　running　down　her　cheeks。　〃Do　you　see　now　how　dangerous　my　power　is？　Do　you　see　how　Easily　I　could　destroy　you？　If　you　hadn't　stopped　me　when　you　did　。　。　。　you　would　have　been　lost。〃
　
　He　felt　an　agony　of　passion　for　her；　for　what　she　was；　and　for　the　fact　that　she　couldn't　do　anything　about　it；　and　he　felt　the　ache　of　his　own　pain　at　the　feeling　of　loss；　even　though　he　realized　now　that　there　was　nothing　to　lose；　she　could　never　have　been　his；　or　more　precisely；　he　hers；　it　all　had　just　been　a　fantasy　in　his　mind。
　
　Zedd　had　tried　to　warn　him；　tried　to　save　him　this　pain。　Why　couldn't　he　have　listened？　Why　did　he　have　to　be　so　stupid　and　think　he　would　be　smart　enough　to　figure　something　out？　He　knew　why。　He　stood　slowly　and　took　a　step　to　the　fire　so　she　wouldn't　see　his　tears。　He　kept　swallowing　so　he　could　try　to　talk。
　
　〃Why　do　you　always　say　‘she；'　‘her；'　‘daughter'？　Why　always　women？　What　of　the　men；　don't　Confessors　bear　male　children？〃　He　realized　his　voice　sounded　as　if　it　were　scraping　over　gravel。
　
　He　listened　to　the　fire　crackling　for　a　long　time　as　she　didn't　answer。　He　turned　back　to　her　when　he　heard　her　crying。　She　looked　up　and　held　her　hand　out　for　him　to　help　her　up。　Once　up；　she　leaned　against　the　log；　pulled　her　long　hair　back　from　her　face；　and　then　folded　her　arms　below　her　breasts
　
　〃Yes；　Confessors　bear　male　children。　Not　as　often　as　in　the　past；　but　they　still　do。〃　She　cleared　her　throat。　〃But　the　power　is　stronger　in　them；　they　need　no　time　to　recover。　Sometimes；　the　power　bees　everything　to　them；　corrupts　them。　This　is　the　mistake　the　wizards　made。
　
　〃They　chose　women　for　this　very　reason；　but　didn't　give　sufficient　thought　to　how　the　power　would　take　on　a　life　of　its　own。　They　didn't　foresee　how　the　power　would　be　passed　on　to　the　offspring；　and　be　so　different　in　men。
　
　〃Long　ago；　a　few　male　Confessors　joined　forces；　and　brought　about　a　terrible　reign　of　cruelty。　It　was　called　the　dark　time。　They　were　the　cause　of　it。　It　was　a　time　something　like　now；　with　Darken　Rahl。　At　last；　the　wizards　hunted　them　all　down　and　killed　them。　Many　of　the　wizards　died　too。　From　that　time；　the　wizards　withdrew　from　trying　to　rule　the　lands。　Too　many　of　them　had　been　killed　anyway。　Instead；　now　they　only　try　to　serve　the　people；　to　help　where　they　can。　But　they　no　longer　interfere　with　rulers　if　they　can　help　it。　They　have　learned　bitter　lessons。〃
　
　Kahlan　looked　down；　away　from　his　eyes　as　she　went　on。　〃For　some　reason；　it　takes　the　unique　passion　of　a　woman　to　handle　the　power；　to　be　free　from　its　corrupting　influence。　The　wizards　don't　know　the　reason　for　this。　It　is　similar　with　the　Seeker：　he　must　be　the　right　one；　one　found　by　a　wizard；　or　he　will　use　the　power　for　corrupt　reasons。　That　is　why　Zedd　was　so　angry　at　the　council　of　the　Midlands　for　taking　the　naming　away　from　him。　Male　Confessors；　not　all；　but　most；　cannot　retain　their　sense　of　balance　with　the　power。　They　don't　have　the　strength　to　hold　it　back　when　they　should。〃　She　peered　up　at　him。
　
　〃When　they　wanted　a　woman；　they　simply　used　the　power　and　took　her。　Many　women。　They　had　no　restraint；　no　sense　of　responsibility　for　what　they　were　doing。　From　what　I　have　been　told；　the　dark　time　was　one　long　night　of　terror。　Their　reign　lasted　for　years。　The　wizards　had　to　do　a　lot　of　killing。　They　eventually　killed　all　the　offspring　of　this　lust；　to　prevent　the　power　from　spreading；　uncontrolled。　To　say　the　wizards　were　displeased　would　not　touch　it。〃
　
　〃So　what　happens　now？〃　he　asked　warily。　〃What　happens　when　a　Confessor　bears　a　male　child？〃
　
　She　cleared　her　throat　again；　swallowing　back　her　sobs
　
　〃When　a　boy　is　born　to　a　Confessor；　he　is　brought　to　a　special　place　in　the　center　of　Aydindril；　where　his　mother　places　him　on　the　Stone。〃　She　shifted　her　weight；　she　was　clearly　having　difficulty　telling　him　about　this。　He　took　her　soft　hand　in　both　of　his　and　rubbed　the　back　of　it　with　his　thumbs；　even　though　he　felt　for　the　first　time　that　he　had　no　business　touching　her　in　a　familiar　manner。　〃As　I　told　you；　a　man　touched　by　a　Confessor　will　do　whatever　she　tells　him。〃　He　could　feel　her　hand　trembling。　〃The　mother　mands　her　husband　in　what　she　is　to　do　。　。　。　and　he　。　。　。　he　places　a　rod　over　the　baby's　throat　。　。　。　and　。　。　。　and　he　steps　on　both　ends。〃
　
　Richard　released　her　hand。　Running　the　fingers　of　both　hands　through　his　hair；　he　turned　to　the　fire。　〃Every　boy　child？〃
　
　〃Yes；〃　she　admitted　in　a　voice　he　could　hardly　hear。　〃No　chance　can　be　taken　that　any　male　Confessor　lives；　because　he　might　be　one　who　could　not　handle　the　power；　and　would　use　it　to　gain　dominance　for　himself；　bring　back　the　dark　times。　The　wizards　and　the　other　Confessors　watch　carefully　any　Confessor　who　is　with　child；　and　do　everything　they　can　to　fort　her　if　it　is　a　boy；　and　therefore　must　be　。　。　。〃　Her　voice　trailed　off。
　
　Richard　suddenly　realized　that　he　hated　the　Midlands…hated
　
　it　with　a　vengeance　second　only　to　what　he　felt　toward　Darken
　
　Rahl。　For　the　first　time；　he　understood　why　those　in　Westland　had　wanted　a　place　to　live　without　magic。　He　wished　he　could　be　back　there；　away　from　any　magic。　Tears　came　to　his　eyes　when　he　thought　of　how　much　he　missed　the　Hartland　Woods。　He　vowed　to　himself　that　if　he　stopped　Rahl；　he　would　see　to　it　that　the　boundary　was　put　back　up。　Zedd　would　help　with　that；　there　was　no　doubt。　Richard　understood　now　why　Zedd；　too；　had　wanted　to　be　away　from　the　Midlands。　And　when　the　boundary　went　back　up；　Richard　would　be　on　the　other　side。　For　as　long　as　he　lived。　　_
　
　But　first；　there　would　be　the　matter　of　the　sword；　he　would　not　give　back　the　Sword　of　Truth。　He　would　destroy　it。
　
　〃Thank　you；　Kahlan；〃　he　forced　himself　to　say；　〃for　telling　me。　I　wouldn't　have　wanted　to　hear　this　from　another。〃　He　felt　his　world　withering　to　nothing。　He　had　always　seen　stopping　Rahl　as　the　beginning　of　his　life；　a　point　from　where　he　went　forward　and　anything　was　possible。　Now　stopping　Rahl　was　an　end
　
　Not　only　of　Rahl；　but　of　him；　too；　there　was　nothing　beyond　that；　everything　beyond　was　dead。　When　he　stopped　Rahl；　and　Kahlan　was　safe；　he　would　go　back　to　the　Hartland　Woods；　alone；　and　his　life　would　be　over。
　
　He　could　hear　her　crying　behind　him。　〃Richard；　if　you　want　me　to　leave；　please　do　not　be　afraid　to　tell　me　so。　I　will　understand　it。　It　is　something　a　Confessor　is　used　to。〃
　
　He　looked　down　at　the　dying　fire　for　a　moment　and　then　closed　his　eyes　tight；　forcing　back　the　lump　in　his　throat；　the　tears。　Pain　seared　through　his　chest　as　it　sank　with　his　labored　breathing。
　
　〃Please；　Kahlan；　is　there　any　way；〃　he　asked；　〃any　way　at　all　。　。　。　that　we　could　。　。　。　for　us　。　。　。〃
　
　〃No；〃　she　moaned。
　
　He　rubbed　his　shaking　hands　together。　Everything　was　lost　to　him。
　
　〃Kahlan；〃　he　managed　at　last；　〃is　there　any　law；　or　rule　or　something；　that　says　we　can't；　be　friends？〃
　
　She　answered　in　a　whining　cry。　〃No。〃
　
　He　turned　numbly　to　her　and　put　his　arms　around　her。　〃I　could　really　use　a　friend　right　now；〃　he　whispered。
　
　〃Me　too；〃　she　cried　against　his　chest　as　she　hugged　him　back。　〃But　I　can　be　no　more。〃
　
　〃I　know；〃　he　said　as　tears　ran　down　his　cheeks。　〃But　Kahlan；　I　love　。　。　。
　
　She　put　her　fingers　to　his　lips　to　silence　him。　〃Don't　say　that；〃　she　cried。　〃Please；　Richard；　don't　ever　say　that。〃
　
　She　could　stop　him　from　saying　it　out　loud；　but　not　in　his　mind。
　
　She　clung　to　him；　sobbing；　and　he　remembered　when　they　had　been　in　the　wayward　pine　after　they　first　met；　and　the　underworld　had　almost　reclaimed　her；　she　had　clung　to　him；　and　he　had　thought　at　the　time　that　she　was　not　used　to　having　anyone　hold　her。　Now　he　knew　why。　He　laid　his　cheek　against　the　top　of　her　head。
　
　A　small　flame　of　his　anger　flickered　in　the　ashes　of　his　dreams。　〃Have　you　picked　your　mate　。yet？〃
　
　She　shook　her　head。　〃There　are　more　important　things　to　worry　about　right　now。　But　if　we　win；　and　I　live　。。。　then　I　must。〃
　
　〃Make　one　promise　for　me。〃
　
　〃If　I　can。〃
　
　His　throat　felt　so　hot　he　had　to　swallow　twice　to　talk。　〃Promise　me　you　won't　pick　him　until　I'm　back　in　Westland。　I　don't　want　to　know　who　it　is。〃
　
　She　sobbed　for　a　moment　before　she　answered；　her　fi